Barb and I were talking about our family. My younger brother, Dave says that our family puts the fun in dysfunctional. That is so true. I’m not going to bore you with our family patterns, but suffice it to say that the behavior that was modeled for us was less than stellar.  As Barb and I discussed our Grandmas and Grandpas, we came to the conclusion that we needed to apply grace to the memories of our parents. They did the best they could with what was modeled for them.

The brain learns best what is modeled for it. Personally, I was determined not to grow up and drink like my dad. Hahahaha…that’s what I did best for awhile. Drinking was modeled for me. But I also got his work ethic and sensitive heart. Yeah, I know many of you that know me wonder about that sensitivity, but inside my toughness is marshmallow cream.

I got my mom’s positive attitude, but I also got “The Pout.” The Pout is pretending that nothing is wrong when inside I’m furious. That caused people to walk on egg shells around me at times. Awareness of these issues has enabled personal transformation (okay, most of the time.) Thank Goodness.

What are we modeling? The summary statement for the leadership Law of the Picture is, “People do what people see.” In John Maxwell’s book, “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership,” John gives us some insights into modeling as leaders.

1. Followers are always watching.  Say anything you want, but your children learn more from what they see than from anything else. What we do, they will do. How we work, our staff will work. What we value, they will value. So we need to ask ourselves: What kinds of traits do we want to model?

2. Did you ever say, “Do as I say, not as I do?” Modeling one thing but professing another is incredibly confusing for our followers. It’s much easier to teach what’s right than to do what’s right. What we want from our followers, needs to be taught AND modeled.  We need to be  the example.

3. We need to work on ourselves before trying to improve others.  Transformation starts with us.  We need to work hardest and longest on changing ourselves. As leaders, we need to remember that leadership is caught more than taught.

When it comes to family, those old dynamics die hard. I believe we need to accept other family members as they are, rather than attempting to change them.  Barb and I agree that we didn’t always model the best behavior for our children. But, we did the best we could at the time with what was modeled for us. Instead of continually judging ourselves on our previous shortcomings, we need to give ourselves grace and continue to learn from good role models.  We can strive to set the best example for our families now.

Striving to be the example, 

Jan