I’ll Be Happy When…

“ Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.”

—Arthur Ashe

I remember when I was younger and I only had my brother’s bike to ride when he wasn’t using it. It was ugly, too. It was old and scratched.  My friends in my neighborhood all had their own bikes and they were much nicer than my brother’s. I can remember saying, “Wow, I’ll be happy when I get my new bike.”

I got that new bike. It was a pink and white, 26-inch Schwinn, and my parents had put those plastic streamers in the handle bars. OMGoodness. I had arrived!  I was so happy…for awhile. Junior High school came and happiness wasn’t about riding a bike anymore. This was a new school and I sure would be happy if I could make a bunch of friends. After about one month, Janis Barnett became my best friend, and her friends became mine. I was estatic. Soon, that wasn’t enough. Oh, if I could become a cheerleader…oh, if I had a steady boyfriend…oh…you fill in the blank.  We can do this to death and never enjoy our lives…or is it just me?

I have found my passion and I love my life! But I still find myself yearning for the destination rather than feeling blessed in the moment.  It steals the joy right out of my life. I found myself really busy a couple weeks ago. I had one leadership workshop, two speaking engagements, a coaching client and other engagements. I found myself thinking, “If I can just make it to the weekend. Once I get all those events over with, I can relax (be back in my comfort zone.”)

WHAT WAS I THINKING? I wondered why I felt this way. I was prepared for everything on my schedule. I knew what I was going to say, how I was going to facilitate the workshop and I had practiced.

Two thoughts came to mind. I worried that I wasn’t enough and I was “what iffing.”  What if they don’t like what I say? What if they don’t have fun? What if they don’t like me? What if they don’t want to change after hearing my teachings?  It’s was the fear of criticism. I’m smiling as I write this. I don’t need anyone else to criticize me–I do a great job myself, thank you.

“Happiness is a bully in the schoolyard of life. It draws the line and then moves the goalposts over and over again.”   Bridgett Krause

The cure for this B.S (belief system–this is a G-rated email) is to walk right into the face of those negative thoughts. Give them a hug. Thank them for showing up and tell them that you don’t need them anymore. Tell them good-bye and then focus on what you are doing at that moment. Plan and do your best and don’t be attached to the outcome. Most of the time we can’t control the outcome anyway.

A couple more things that we can do, if moving the goalpost back to the present moment is difficult. Count our blessings.  I find it very hard to be sincerely grateful and think negative thoughts at the same time.  Of course, because our minds can only focus on one thought at a time.

What is it that you want that you’ll only be happy when you get it?  Happiness can’t be a destination. If it is, you rob yourself of the joy of living.

I am working on a 6 week course called “Breakthrough to Your Best You,” launching at the end of October. Details coming soon. If you need help changing your game or your B.S., this one is for you!

Facing my negative B.S.,

Jan

Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team